The Ramblings of Voldemort
by basiliskgirl1
Summary: What would Voldemort be like if he was stupid!? Read to find out!! *Chapter 4 is up!*
1. Intro

The Ramblings of Voldemort

The Ramblings of Voldemort

(A/N: This is a story about what Voldemort would be like if he was really stupid… Oh, and my computer made the actions into bold print, just so you know)

Intro

Hi!!!!! I am Voldemort… 

****

Voldemort's mom comes in 

Mom, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead!

Mom: I just came here to remind you that your name isn't Voldemort! When I brang you into this world, I didn't say, 'His name is Voldemort' I said, 'His name is Tom Marvolo Riddle'! 

Whateverrrrrr, Mom. 

****

Mom goes away

Good, that's over. Now, my name is Tom Riddle, known to 1000000000000 people as Voldemort.This is my story, which is really screwed up. Isn't that cool, girlfriend!? Sorry, that was strange. Okay, read!


	2. Rambling

Chapter 1: Rambling

Chapter 1: Rambling

Hi again! In case you don't know, I am sooooooo smart and I'm an evil genius! YAY!!!!! Now since I'm such an evil person, I'm going to laugh like an evil person now!!! Buwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! **Cough** Okay, I'm done. Know what's fun? Puddles!!! I wish I had a huge puddle. I know! I'll flood the whole world and have the biggest puddle in all the land!!! Buwhahahahahahaha!!! I'm the greatest evil dude…ever!!!!! YAY!!!!! Now where am I going to get water? Ummm… **runs around, trying to find water** I wish I had a spaceship thingy that could hold a lot of water, like Invader ZIM!

(A/N: In case you don't know, Invader ZIM is a cartoon about an alien named ZIM who is sent to Earth to observe the humans and find the best way to destroy them. He is given a robot named GIR, who is really stupid.)

Maybe if I act like GIR, ZIM will come and help me! **runs around like GIR** Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

ZIM comes in 

ZIM: GIR! GIR! GIR… hey, you're not GIR!

No, but I'm a really cool evil genius who will help you take over Earth.

ZIM: you will? Thanks! But, aren't you an Earthling too?

Yes, but I'm a brainless, evil, psychopath. 

ZIM: Okay. 

You have to do something for me, too.

ZIM: What?

You have to go on a date with me!

ZIM: Noooooooo!!!!!!!!

Sorry, that just slipped out. I meant that you have to get me a huge puddle! Okay, we'll start to take over the world now.

ZIM: Don't forget the bees.

(A/N: In one episode, ZIM declares war on the bees because one crashed into his spaceship and made it explode.)

Don't worry, I won't. But let's start with the humans.

ZIM: Which Earthling shall we destroy first?

Hmmmmm… **looks in his book of Great Ideas, there is only one written down** How about we… **stares at the only idea** Oh, I know! I have never done this before! How about we try to kill Harry Potter and fail miserably?

ZIM: Who's that?

I don't know, some guy.

ZIM: Okay, where is he?

I don't know. 

ZIM: You are really talented in not knowing stuff.

Thanks! **smiles like a little kid**

ZIM: Well, let's look for this Harry Potter on my computer finder thingy. **looks at computer finder thingy** I can't find him.

What do you mean you can't find him?

ZIM: My computer thingy won't work.

Now what?

ZIM: Hmmmm… I know! I'll get GIR to find him! GIR can find anything. GIR! GIR! GIR!

****

GIR comes in

GIR: Yes, master!

I like this robot!

ZIM: GIR, can you find Harry Potter?

GIR: Hmmmm… **points to ceiling**

ZIM: Good job, GIR!

You mean Harry Potter is in the ceiling!? **grabs a rocket** I'll blast him outta there! **blasts a huge hole in the ceiling** Hey, he's not in there! **starts to cry**

ZIM: I don't get it. GIR, why did you point to the ceiling if Harry Potter wasn't in there?

GIR: I was just guessing.

ZIM: Why were you guessing if you have a computer chip in your brain that helps you find anything?

GIR: Oh, I took it out.

ZIM: Took it out!? Why?

GIR: To make room for the cupcake! **takes out a cupcake and eats it**

ZIM: You stupid robot! Well, since Harry Potter isn't in the ceiling, he must be in the direction of the ceiling. Voldemort, stop crying!

HUH? (by now, the tear water is up to Voldemort's waist, GIR and ZIM are floating.) 

ZIM: Harry Potter is in the sky! Let's go! **gets out his spaceship**

YAY!!!!!

****

they all get into the spaceship and fly through the huge hole in the ceiling

GIR: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

ZIM: Quiet, GIR! Voldemort, do you see anything?

I saw a bird. It was going like this. **does bird motions**

ZIM: **sighs**

GIR: I miss my cupcake!

ZIM: Well, Voldemort, I don't see anyone. What should we do now?

Let's go to China!

GIR: YAY!!!!!!

ZIM: Okay, whatever.

****

They go to China

****

looks out window This is stupid!

(A/N: no offense, China!)

Let's go to Japan. 

****

they go to Japan and land on the Digimon people

Hi, Digidestined!!! I watch your show all the time!!!

(A/N: Okay, that was the first chapter. If I get enough reviews, I'll continue. Thanx for reading. This just came in my head one day. Alright, review please, and flames are okay!)


	3. More Rambling

Chapter 2: More Rambling

Chapter 2: More Rambling

(A/N: Thanx to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad some of you found this funny. Here is the next chapter!)

Digidestined: Ummm… hi

I LOVE YOU!

Digidestined: Run away! **they run away**

GIR: Awwww…

ZIM: Well, Voldie…

I like that name!!

ZIM: Okay… Voldie, Harry Potter isn't here. What do you want to do now?

I want to go find him!

ZIM: DUH!!!!!!!

GIR: WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Zim: Shut up, GIR.

****

they hop back into the spaceship and take off again

ZIM: Don't worry, Voldie, We will soon find Harry Potter and try to destroy him.

I like destroying.

ZIM: Of course you do.

Hey, ZIM, let's go to America! Maybe Harry Potter is there!

ZIM: Whatever, Voldie.

****

they go to America and land in Washington D.C

Hey, let's go find the president!

GIR: What's a president?

How would I know, GIR?

GIR: I understand.

ZIM: **rolls his eyes**

they go to the White House and find George W. Bush's office

Hi, president!!!!

GWB: What are you doing here? This is a private office and I'm very busy!

ZIM: We're sorry, Mr. President, but we're…

GIR: **starts jumping on desk, eating papers**

GWB: Get off my desk!!!!! **starts chasing GIR**

GIR: **screams hysterically**

ZIM: GIR, stop it!!! We're sorry, Mr. President, but…

BORING!!! President guy dude, do you know where Harry Potter is?

GWB: No, I've never even heard of him. Is he a good Secret Service guy? We need more Secret Service guys!

I don't know.

ZIM: Come on, Voldie, he's obviously not here, so…

GWB: Wait, did you say Voldie?

ZIM: Yeah…

GWB: You mean Voldie, the Latin singing sensation?

Ummm….. yeah, that's me!!!!

ZIM: No, it's not…

GWB: I love you, man! Sometimes, when noone's around…**whispers **I dance on my desk and turn up your music really loud!!!! 

YAY!!!!!!! I can sing!!!!

GWB: Can I get your autograph?

OK! **draws a picture of a car standing on a bar graph**

(A/N: Get it?)

GWB: Thanks, Voldie!

YAY!!!! I can draw!!!!

ZIM: Fascinating, Voldie. Now let's go!!!!

GWB: Bye!!

Bye!

ZIM: Now what? 

Let's go to England!! I love that country!!!

ZIM: Isn't that where you live?

NO!…wait…yes.

ZIM: Alright, let's go.

****

they go to England, leaving GIR behind, because he wanted to go on the White House tour and ZIM was getting annoyed

Hi England!!!

ZIM: Okay, Voldie, where do you want to go?

England.

ZIM: We are in England!!!!!

I want to go to England, England.

ZIM: **looks on map of England** There is no England, England.

There isn't!? WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

ZIM: **rolls his eyes** Okay, we'll go to England, England.

YAY!!!!!

****

they go to the Dursley's house

YAY!!!

ZIM: **knocks on door**

big thundering noise, Dudley opens the door

HI!!!!!!

ZIM: **starts gagging** What's that smell?

Dudley: Umm… it's my mom's new deodorant. I borrowed it because I never had my own before.

ZIM: no wonder Harry Potter is hiding. 

D: you mean my cousin? I don't know where he is, and I don't care.

****

takes out some deodorant Here, it's tasty!!

D: Thanks! **shuts door**

ZIM: Well, that was a complete waste of time. Voldie, let's go. Voldie? Voldie? **looks around**

is in backyard eating flowers

ZIM: Voldie, stop it!!

They taste good!!!

(A/N: Will Voldie ever find Harry Potter? Will ZIM ever get Voldie to listen to him? And will GIR get the Bill Clinton mask he's always wanted? Stay tuned to find out…)


	4. Even More Rambling

****

Chapter 3: Even more rambling

(A/N: Sorry I haven't written in so long, but my Internet modem thingy has been broken FOREVER, and we just got it fixed yesterday. Thanks for waiting!)

ZIM: Voldie, we have to go to the hospital.

Why?

ZIM: Because we have to get your stomach pumped.

Why?

ZIM: Because you ate flowers.

Why?

ZIM: How should I know why? You just did. Now, let's go.

****

They go to the hospital

This place smells like my grandma.

ZIM: Do you even know what your grandma smells like?

No.

ZIM: Have you ever met your grandma?

Yes, her name is George.

****

They walk down the hallway

Voldie is reading the numbers on doors, which aren't in order

4, 6, 78, 3… Look! I can count!!!

ZIM: Hooray.

****

They walk up to a desk

ZIM: We have to get Voldie's stomach pumped because he ate some flowers.

Doctor: Oh, no! Not flowers!!!!!

ZIM: Yes, flowers.

Dr.: Oh… my… god. **Runs away**

ZIM: Stupid doctor.

Look, ZIM! My stomach is right there! **Points to his knee**

ZIM: That's your knee, Voldie.

Yes. **Runs down the hall **Bye!

ZIM: Voldie, come back! **Runs after him**

Voldie is at the end of the hall, covered in Band-Aids

I'm a mummy!!

ZIM: No, you're not!!! **Grabs Voldie's arm and they walk out of the hospital**

ZIM: Now Voldie, let's play a game. Let's see if you can be quiet for 5 FREAKIN' MINUTES!!!!!!! **Takes a deep breath** Okay?

Okay. Is it five minutes yet?

ZIM: **slaps his forehead**

While ZIM is having a fit, Voldie wanders off and ends up at the front of Buckingham Palace.

Wow! My house! **He starts to walk in, but is stopped by a guard**

Stares at guard You can move!!!!

Guard: Yeah, whatever. You're not allowed in there!

But this is my house.

G: No, it's not!!

Yes. See, it says, 'This is Voldie's house' on the side of the wall.

G: **looks** No it doesn't!!!

Are you sure?

G: Yes.

Good, because I wasn't.

(A/N: Will Voldie ever get into the Buckingham Palace? Will ZIM ever take a chill-pill? And where the heck is GIR? Find out next time…)


End file.
